Observe Patterns, Not Promises
- Jessica Hopkins
- Oct 9
- 3 min read
Words are easy. Consistency is not.
If you want to know who someone really is, don’t listen to their potential. Watch their patterns.
One of the biggest mistakes women make especially those recovering from narcissistic or emotionally unavailable relationships is staying attached to who someone could be instead of who they repeatedly show up as. That’s how you get stuck. That’s how you get gaslighted. That’s how you end up explaining away your intuition in the name of “hope.”
But here’s the truth: Consistency reveals character. Not charisma.
Patterns Tell the Real Story
Anyone can tell you what you want to hear. Anyone can say “I love you.” Anyone can make you feel special in the moment. But real emotional safety doesn’t live in the moment, it lives in the pattern.
Ask yourself:
Do they show up when it’s inconvenient?
Do their actions match their words?
Do they take accountability when they mess up?
Do they repeat the same cycles, just dressed in softer language?
If someone repeatedly avoids accountability, blames you for their behavior, or gives you just enough to keep you hanging on, they’re showing you exactly who they are. Stop rewriting the story. Start reading the signs.
Promises Without Follow-Through Are Emotional Manipulation
Many narcissists and emotionally unavailable people are great at making promises:
“I’m going to change.”
“I just need time.”
“I’m not ready right now, but I will be.”
“I’ve never felt this way before.”
They know how to future-fake. They’ll paint a beautiful picture of what could be as long as you keep waiting, keep tolerating, keep staying silent. But the future never comes. The behavior never changes.The pattern always loops. Because it was never about growth. It was about control.
Observing Patterns Requires Presence
When you’re used to chaos, stillness can feel suspicious. When you’re used to being love-bombed, healthy consistency can feel boring. So you start to chase emotional highs instead of emotional safety. You get addicted to the “potential” instead of grounded in reality.
But true healing means learning how to sit with what is, not what you want it to be.
It means slowing down enough to observe:
How you feel after interacting with someone
Whether you feel safe enough to be honest
If your boundaries are honored or tested
If they make space for your needs or shrink you into silence
Your nervous system will often tell you the truth before your brain does. Listen to it.
Stop Justifying the Same Behavior with Different Excuses
“He’s just going through a lot right now.”
“He doesn’t mean it that way.”
“It’s not always like this.”
“It’s my fault, I triggered them.”
When someone keeps showing you that they can’t offer you respect, peace, or accountability believe them. You don’t need to wait for it to get worse. You don’t need proof of the next betrayal to walk away. The red flags you’re seeing? They’re not “tests.” They’re truths.
Patterns Are How You Protect Your Peace
You are not “cold” or “closed off” for noticing inconsistencies.You are not “judgmental” for tracking the emotional data someone brings into your life.You are wise for observing instead of attaching. This is how you break cycles.This is how you stop attracting people who drain you.This is how you choose peace over performance. When someone’s words are sweet but their actions leave you confused, anxious, or constantly questioning where you stand, it’s not love. It’s a cycle. And you’re allowed to step out of it.
You Don’t Need Another Apology. You Need a Pattern Change.
How many times have you been told “I’m sorry”?
How many times have they sworn “it won’t happen again”?
How many times have they cried, promised, begged, and pleaded only to return to the same behavior days or weeks later?
Let me remind you: Apologies without change are just manipulation.
If the pattern doesn’t shift, neither should your standards.
Because emotional whiplash is not a relationship. It’s a trauma loop.
And you weren’t born to live in survival mode. You were born to thrive in truth.
Ready to Break the Pattern and Reclaim Your Power?
If you’re tired of falling for potential and ready to start honoring patterns, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
Book your free Reframe Call today
Stop waiting for someone to become who you hoped they were. Start honoring the patterns they’ve already shown you. Your peace depends on it. And you’re worth every bit of that peace.
With Love,
Jessica 💜
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