Should You Forgive a Narcissist?
- Jessica Hopkins
- Nov 26
- 3 min read
Forgiveness is a complicated, personal journey especially when the person you’re trying to forgive is someone who lied, manipulated, or betrayed you. When it comes to narcissistic abuse, the very idea of forgiveness can feel like you’re betraying yourself. So, should you forgive a narcissist?
Forgiveness Is For You
Let’s start with this truth: Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean excusing. It doesn’t mean giving them access again. Forgiveness is not about them. It’s about you, your peace, your healing, your freedom. Carrying resentment can weigh you down long after the person is gone. Narcissists thrive on taking your energy. Don’t let them continue doing it by holding space for anger that rightfully belongs to your healing. Forgiveness is choosing to no longer carry what they did in your body, your mind, or your spirit. It's saying: "I acknowledge what you did. It was wrong. But I choose peace."
Forgiveness Doesn’t Equal Reconciliation
A narcissist would love it if you told them you love them…...but they can’t handle being held accountable. They don’t run because you loved them.They run because you exposed the truth. They want the pedestal, not the mirror. And when you hold up the mirror, they disappear. That’s why forgiveness can’t be confused with a door reopening. You can forgive someone and still walk away. You can forgive someone and never speak to them again. That doesn’t make you bitter, it makes you wise.
The Difference Between Releasing Pain and Restoring Trust
Here’s what so many survivors are never told: Releasing pain is not the same as restoring trust.
Releasing Pain
Releasing pain is about you. It means letting go of the resentment, shame, confusion, or heartbreak that’s been sitting heavy in your soul. It means you choose to rise above the story that tried to break you. You no longer want to be held hostage by the past. It’s not a reunion, it’s a release. It doesn’t require their apology. It doesn’t even require a conversation.You get to set yourself free.
Restoring Trust
Restoring trust is completely different. It’s a choice you make only when:
There is true remorse.
There is consistent changed behavior.
There is emotional safety.
Narcissists do not meet those conditions.They gaslight, shift blame, minimize your pain, and pretend nothing ever happened. They love love, but only when they are praised, not when they are called out. So let’s be clear: You can release your pain and still never allow them access again.That’s not bitterness, it’s self-respect.
Boundaries Are Not Punishment
A narcissist will make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.They’ll say you’re being too harsh, too sensitive, too unforgiving. But boundaries are not punishment.They’re protection.They are your self-love in action. You don’t need to give them another chance.You don’t need to explain your forgiveness.You don’t need to prove that you’re “over it.”
You forgive. You learn.You walk away in peace with your head held high.
Forgiveness is Part of Reclaiming Your Power
You’re not forgiving them because they deserve it.You’re forgiving because you deserve peace. And peace doesn’t always come wrapped in closure, an apology, or justice.
Peace comes when you realize:
You are not who they tried to break.
You’ve grown stronger, wiser, and more self-aware.
You are no longer the woman who accepts less than she deserves.
That’s the power of forgiveness: It’s not a pass. It’s your permission slip to move on without dragging the pain with you.
Reclaim Your Power: Choose Healing Over Closure
You don’t owe anyone the keys to your peace. If you’ve been hurt, manipulated, or emotionally depleted, forgiveness doesn’t mean access, it means release. It’s not about excusing their behavior; it’s about choosing your freedom over their chaos.
Ready to reclaim your voice? Follow me on Linkedin and Instagram for empowering insights, healing tools, and community support designed for women navigating life after narcissistic abuse.
With love,
Jessica 💜
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