💔 Manipulation Is Not Love

Jessica Hopkins
4 minutes ago
3 min read

*Why Control, Confusion, and Emotional Games Aren’t Proof of Care*

“But he said he loved me.”

And maybe he did. But love isn’t words, it’s action. And when someone manipulates you, they’re not loving you.They’re trying to control you. Let’s get this straight: Manipulation is not love. It never was. And it never will be.

What Is Manipulation, Really?

Manipulation is emotional influence with the intent to control. It’s when someone tries to shape your reality, twist your thoughts, or provoke guilt, all so they can maintain power over you. It can sound like:

“You’re crazy, that’s not what I said.” (gaslighting)
“I wouldn’t act this way if you didn’t push me.” (blame-shifting)
“I guess I just care more than you do.” (guilt-tripping)
“If you leave, I’ll hurt myself.” (emotional blackmail)

And the most dangerous part? It often hides behind the mask of “love.”

Love Doesn’t Hurt Like That

Let’s be clear about what real love looks like. Love is not always perfect. But it is safe. It is mutual. It honors your feelings. It allows for growth, boundaries, and space.

Love isn’t:

Silent treatments
Walking on eggshells
Keeping tabs
Making you doubt your intuition
Disguising control as “protection”

If you feel confused more than secure…If you feel drained more than held…If you feel like you’re constantly trying to prove you’re worthy…That’s not love. That’s emotional manipulation.

Why So Many Survivors Mistake Manipulation for Intimacy

When you grow up in environments where love was conditional or when you’ve been in multiple toxic relationships, it’s easy to confuse intensity with intimacy. Manipulators often come on strong. They love-bomb. They study your weaknesses and play into your empathy. They say exactly what you’ve always wanted to hear. And when they switch? When the compliments become criticism, and the warmth turns cold? You blame yourself. You think, “If I could just get back to how it was in the beginning…” But that beginning was a setup. Manipulation isn’t a lack of love. It’s a lack of respect.

Common Signs You’re Being Manipulated in the Name of “Love”

You constantly second-guess yourself.
You feel like you owe them explanations for everything.
They twist your words and use your vulnerability against you.
You feel afraid of their reactions, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
They say “I love you” right after hurting you without changing the behavior.

And the most subtle sign? You’re exhausted. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. Because you're stuck in a cycle of trying to decode what they really mean, really feel, or really want.

Healthy love doesn’t require decoding.

Love Shouldn’t Hurt to Hold Onto

Let go of the belief that enduring manipulation is a sign of loyalty. Let go of the idea that someone’s trauma excuses their toxic behavior. Let go of the narrative that you can love them hard enough to heal. You are not responsible for someone’s inability to show up with integrity. You are responsible for honoring your truth and walking away when it’s being violated.

You Deserve Better Than Emotional Games

You deserve:

Direct communication, not mixed signals
Respect, not control
Accountability, not gaslighting
Safety, not unpredictability
To be chosen without having to chase

It’s not too much to want peaceful love. It’s not too much to walk away from people who only offer confusion. You are not hard to love. They were just never ready to love you without conditions.